guilty for no reason!

so, i havnt been doing much with my life lately. im done with all my course work and all i have left is my study abroad period in Lille, France...and im like super stoked and i just cant wait to leave on a jet plane and experience something more than this small town..or city...or whatever you would like to call st. michel.

but here's the thing...most people would be super excited, jumping up and down saying 'hell yea! no obligations, expectations..im just gona live my summer up..' .....i dont really feel that way...im so used to having something to do and now that i have nothing to do..i feel kinda guilty..uncomfortable..anxious..agile...i dont know.

i need to get something..like a job! but ive been so unsuccessful doing that...all the rejection emails and phone calls. kill me now! my dad wants me to do more with my life that he is pressuring me to do more school work (TF..i spent the last 2 years doing that..i dont want to volunteer to do school work) i hate this...

why should i get pressure when all i want is to relax and not feel bad about it...